Jill and the Books Talk

I was devastated when my Amah passed away while I was in the US in 2017. She couldn’t wait for me. I was just gone for I think 9 days. I had no courage to visit her grave for two years as the thought of it would render me paralyzed from pain and bawling like a baby.  A few nights ago, while I was putting my nephew Noah to sleep, he requested to see some photos: “Akoh there will be four chapters tonight. Mom and dad’s wedding, the reception, when I was born and when Tai Ma died.”  I repli ed: "Photos of Tai Ma’s death will make me cry Noah.”  To my astonishment, he lovingly said: “It’s ok Akoh, there is life everlasting in heaven because Jesus died for our sins to save us.”  I hugged him so tight. It took an innocent 6-year old to remind me that someday I will be reunited with my beloved Amah. Finally, I found the courage to visit and I was at peace.  As I was doing my quiet time tonight, I came across this passage:  He will wipe eve...

My eulogy to my grandmother, read by my younger brother in my absence. How do you bid someone, who has been a huge part of your existence, goodbye? In April this year, after Ammah was discharged from the hospital, she was never the same. She didn’t sound like herself over the phone, when a few days before, she was laughing with me during one of our conversations. It was then that I came face to face with reality that my Ammah’s overall health was fast deteriorating. She was depressed because she could no longer walk. She felt useless. I took the next flight home. I was so scared to lose her because I wasn’t ready.  When I arrived, the first thing I asked her was to share with me her Baulu recipe. You see, no one can match my Ammah’s Baulu. Now you might wonder why of all things, I asked for her recipe. Back then, I acted on impulse but in retrospect, I now realized that the recipe represented much more than food. It represented Ammah’s love for me, for Angkong and our ...

I am 10 lbs heavier and happier. I am healthier in mind and body because  I have learned how to let go of relationships that don’t respect and reflect my values,  say no to activities that don’t align with my purpose, choose my battles wisely,  and be content to rely on God’s grace each day.  Grace to accept that God’s thoughts are higher  than my thoughts,  grace to forgive, grace to do what I have to do even if  I don’t want to  get out of my comfort zone.  Grace to eat better, slee p soundly and be physically active.  More importantly, I have learned to be happy with my appearance,  to be content with my lot in life, not seeking anyone’s approval  and couldn’t care less about popularity, what I wear, how I look or  even what accolades I have in order to impress anyone  because I have reached that point in my life  where I no longer have to seek  anyone’s approval to affirm that I am loved, wante...

Some time before I turned 40 this year, I asked God how He would summarize the past 4 decades of my life and this Bible verse was impressed on me: "My cup runneth over..." - Psalm 23:5 I broke down in tears for indeed that was how my life was and how I felt at that moment. I couldn't find the words to describe my experiences and my feelings until the Holy Spirit reminded me of these four words. I went on and grabbed my journal in the middle of the night and scribbled my heart away: Confident in God’s grace and care, with joy I reflect I have a Shepherd. My greatest abundance is this: By faith I taste the goodness of God in all my enjoyments.  Though I have but little of this world, it is a green pasture. The Lord gives me peace and contentment in the mind, wherever the lot is. My consolations are the still waters where the Holy Spirit leads me,  whose streams flow from the Fountain of living waters. I feast at the Lord’s table, upon t...