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| Candid photo taken in Seville, Spain - September 2016 |
Have you ever felt trapped in an unfavorable situation which you know in your heart that you could have prevented if only you took heed and followed your intuition? Do you endlessly justify choices and decisions that go against your feelings or contradict with what you believe to be true?
It could be uncomfortable to decline a request and so much more difficult if the one asking for your attention, time, effort or money is someone that you value.
Let me share to you my story. I was once a people pleaser. I wanted to make everyone around me happy. I tried to accommodate everyone who needed me or anything from me. In short, I wore myself out believing that I am the answer to the problems of anyone who comes to me. I was so wrong!
Looking back, it was probably arrogance on my part because it made me feel good to be liked, needed and sought after. It gave me a sense of power. Was I happy? Not all the time. There were days when I had to push myself to do something even though I didn’t feel like it. I allowed people to weigh me down with their miseries and problems which they actually brought upon themselves. I have found myself in places I didn’t want to be in. I had to suffer in silence and be with people I didn’t like. I lost money on dead investments just because I didn’t want to offend “friends.”
You see, I never found joy in anything I did because I was trying to please everyone and failed to see what God wanted me to do until one day, our senior Pastor Robert Hern Jr. said: “You are not the the solution to your friend’s problem. He/She is not your burden because Jesus is the solution.” That was a lightbulb moment for me.
Don’t get me wrong. We have a purpose in life and that is to allow God to use us to touch people’s lives for His glory. But with that divine purpose comes wisdom on whether to go ahead and do something or not. Saying YES to everyone and every situation is unwise. It makes you a pushover.
Intuition is God’s gift. Pay close attention to it and take heed. It will steer you away from unproductive or worse, compromising or dangerous situations that disrupt your emotional equilibrium and derail you from the path that God has laid out for you. Do not allow yourself to sink into a torrent of unreasonable expectations, requests and obligations. You are but human and can only handle so much at one time.
Trust your instincts. If you have a bad feeling about a business proposal then don’t pursue it. If you feel uncomfortable about an acquaintance then don’t allow the friendship to get deeper. If you have qualms about getting into a relationship with someone, then let go! If your body tells you that you need rest instead of going out late at night with friends, then politely decline the invitation. If a friend is weighing you down by being negative and constantly whining over trivial matters then back off and take a breather.
Let’s make it more simple. How many times did you regretfully end up buying a dress just because the sales person said you looked gorgeous but deep inside you knew that it does not suit you and you were in denial all the while telling yourself that if you lose a few pounds then it might just look great on you?
Look at yourself in the mirror now and practice saying NO in an honest, relaxed and cordial manner. You will surely disappoint people by saying No but if you sincerely acknowledge their feelings without giving in, they will respect you for not being a pushover. For example: “I’m sorry to disappoint you but I have to decline your offer.” or “I’m sorry to hear about your situation but I can’t help you.”
Believe me when I say how liberating it was to allow God to remove some people in my life in order for me to become a better person. It hurt a lot but I trusted Him enough to know that sometimes, friends have to live separate lives in order for God to be able to work in them individually. When it’s time, then God will restore the friendship. And He did! You’d be surprised how He can change you and others. It will lead to relationships that are fruitful and one that will enhance your life.
I have learned that whenever I follow my gut feeling and say No to someone or something, I am saying Yes to God. It gives me so much peace that transcends all understanding. I have joy in my heart no matter what circumstance I am in.
Listen, my son, accept what I say,
and the years of your life will be many.
I instruct you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble.
Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;
guard it well, for it is your life.
Do not set foot on the path of the wicked
or walk in the way of evildoers.
Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
-Proverbs 4:10-15
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