Pea green with envy

Yesterday, I walked towards 2 women and stood beside them to wait for the lift. When I turned to smile at them, I caught one of them rolling her eyes and pursing her lips towards my direction after staring at me in a hostile manner. The other woman in front of her snickered. They again turned to my direction and I held their gazes, which immediately dropped after realizing that I caught them in the middle of their juvenile and churlish behavior. 

On that day, I was wearing a dress from Jill by Rustan's, shoes by Enzo Angiolini and an LV Mahina Leather XL Bag. Sharing a photo taken right before I had the misfortune of meeting those two.

May 19, 2014

All water under the bridge now. I am not one to hold grudges but I have a vivid memory. 

People close to my heart have been alienated from me because of jealousy.

Contrary to what you might be thinking now, I was not the jealous party. I was the one envied. It wasn’t the nicest position to be in.

In high school, a close friend suddenly decided that I didn’t exist and totally ignored me. Turned the entire class against me. I confronted her for an explanation and here’s what she said: “Things have changed now. You are so happy and I am not.” Oh how I begged her to change her mind and accept me as her friend. Saying I was sorry for being happy when she was miserable.

Once, I didn’t want to spend on something I deemed worthless. Someone very close to me sarcastically said: “What happened to your well of money? I thought you had so much!” My mouth dropped open. I gave in because I wanted to please her. Ridiculous!

I was young and my playmates were admiring my clothes when an older person that I respected so much looked my way and said: “We can also afford to give our children branded stuff but we don’t because education is what matters most.” I was humiliated. Felt like I was the most superficial girl in the world and I didn’t deserve anything. 

My parents never missed an opportunity to remind me and my brother that the only thing of value they can bequeath to us is education. But how can I refuse what’s being handed down to me with so much love?

A college friend once confessed to me that she stayed away for years because she couldn’t stand being my friend. She said: “You’ve always had everything you wanted. I was envious of you!” I blamed myself for losing our friendship. I thought maybe If I wasn’t so blessed she wouldn’t feel that I was different and unfit to be her friend. How pathetic.

After enjoying a family vacation, I received a message from a dear friend: “So how does it feel to be in the states feeling rich and shopping?” A welcome back greeting would have sufficed, don’t you think so? Oh and it wasn’t like it was the first time my parents and I have been to the US mind you. I was so hurt my parents noticed and I had no choice but to tell them. My father was livid with anger. He said that I shouldn’t pay attention to what was said because we spent his hard earned money obtained in an honest way. He said it was God’s blessing.

After I passed one of my licensure exams in the US, my classmate said to me: “You already have everything. You’re competition to us who want to make a living in the US.” Why don’t you just stay here in the Philippines?” Back then I though that I was so selfish.

We are not rich but we live a very comfortable life. My parents have always provided for everything my brother and I needed to the best of their abilities. God blessed them to be a blessing to us and to others. That includes love, nurturing, spiritual guidance, protection, support, education, travel, food, a home and yes branded stuff! Simply because they love us. They are delighted to be able to bless us. Is there anything wrong with that?

I have decided in my heart and mind to forgive these people and by God’s grace I have forgiven them. Forgiveness does not mean everything is okay. It simply means that you have given up the right to hurt back and turn to God for comfort and absolution from all the hatred you have felt after being wronged.

Now that I am at peace and content, it saddens me to watch people being envious of others and failing to appreciate the blessings in their lives. Competing to be recognized and exalted in society. Putting people down to gain something. Hurling insults and gossiping under the pretense of showing concern. 

Mind you, I was called obscene or in our language 'malaswa' just because of my hair color and mini skirt. I was called dramatic, which in retrospect, is true on occasions. I was aware because I deliberately exaggerate to get my point across. Nonetheless, there is no excuse for shaming or belittling anyone. 

I wish to share something that I have read from A Pocketful of PROMISES for Women:

My Daughter,

Sometimes it is not so much that you 

envy what others have, but rather 

what they represent - all the things

the world wants you to be. I made you 

in My image and likeness, so jealousy

often signals that you are worshipping 

something other than me. Take your 

eyes off them and look to me. In My 

eyes you are growing and are complete 

in Christ, so see yourself through My 

eyes. I will help you cleanse your 

thoughts, renew your heart, and restore 

a right focus in your life. Allow me to 

be the center of your life.

                 -God

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones. - Proverbs 14:20 NLT

He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the 
eagle's! - Psalm 103:5 NLT

Written on May, 20, 2014