Written on April 9, 2013
Last night I had perhaps the greatest realization about my life after talking to one of my best friends.
Gazel: “Che ikaw nalang! I’m sure your mom will pressure you about getting married.”
My mind went blank. I couldn’t comprehend what Gazel meant. Then after a few seconds I got her point. I’m the only one among our friends who is SINGLE. 2 of us are happily married with kids and 2 recently got engaged.
I was surprised at how I reacted because I was so clueless that i’m the only one left without a man beside me. I didn’t even feel it all these years until my dear friend pointed it out.
My friends... We’re like mirrors. We can’t lie to each to each other. I love them so much!
I thought...
What happened to the Cheshire who was capable of loving so intensely that it broke her heart to a gazillion pieces a couple of times? Why am I single and why didn’t I realize I was single all these years?
10 years ago, I was so broken and depressed that I found happiness in shopping. I shopped till I dropped. One day my mom said: “Anak pinagbigyan ka na namin. Baka pwede naman tama na muna yan.”
I didn’t understand what my mom was talking about. When she left, I looked around my room and for the first time in weeks, I saw unopened shopping bags occupying more than half of my room. I started opening them and saw expensive stuff I don’t even remember buying. Bulgari, Versace, Emporio Armani, Christian Dior, Donna Karan, Dolce & Gabbana... they were my best friends back then.
Last weekend, my dear friend Candie saw my old iPhone and jokingly said: “Tits palitan mo na yan. Image mo nakasalalay dito.” We had a good laugh especially when I proudly brought out my 5 year old sony ericsson.
Another realization struck me. Of course I would love a new phone. I’d be crazy not to but why am I contented with my phone? Why don’t I want to spend moolah on a brand new phone when the spoiled Cheshire used to squander money like there’s no tomorrow? I remember coming up with all sorts of excuses about my phone acting up so I end up getting a new phone from my parents every year. I had my first analog cellphone right after high school graduation. Back then I felt cool and I showed it off even if it looked like a huge ugly block and weighed over a kilo!
Last month, I was in a coffee shop with my discipleship coach and family friend Kriz. She said: “You know the first time I met you, you were different. Your aura now is more calm. Even the way you talk. You don’t talk fast anymore. You seem to be more peaceful.
My thoughts went back 10 years earlier, I went to fetch my brother Neil from his workout (health buff pa lolo mo noon). He came out and introduced me to his gym instructor. A few days later he said: “Achie takot sayo gym instructor ko.” I was like, what? What did I do to him? Stupid guy.
I was fierce back then. Hateful. Proud.
Fast forward to present time....
Like my friend Kriz said in that coffee shop, I am peaceful. Oh yes I am at peace and these conversations with my friends made me realize how much God loves me. He gave me so much joy and peace to get me through every season of my life. Enabling me to appreciate my blessings and find contentment while holding on to his promises.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11
So what happened to the proud, shopaholic and self-centered Cheshire? I still like beautiful stuff and I still go shopping when I need something but I don’t live half of my life in the mall as I used to. I still have dreams of sharing my future life with a godly husband and kids but I don’t obsess about it.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
- Song of Songs 2:7
Women are wonderful and beautiful complex creations of God. We have a lot of things going on in our lives and deal with a lot of issues everyday. So for all single or married women out there, let me share this with you.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
- Philippians 4:7-8
Photo taken on my 30th Shopaholic Party and yes, I love the Shopaholic Series by Sophie Kinsella.
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